


The Crow's Soft Tune and The Dove's Loud Caws

by Makowo



Series: Black, White, and Bottomless Gray [2]
Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Mental Shutdown, Gen, Inability To Feel Sadness, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mentioned Hallucinating, Self-Harm, Signs of Depression, Yeah It Escalates Quick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-10
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-29 12:02:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18777889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Makowo/pseuds/Makowo
Summary: Whenever he thinks of them, he can't seem to find the ability to understandKyoko talks to Makoto for a bit.





	The Crow's Soft Tune and The Dove's Loud Caws

**Author's Note:**

> Hoooo boy, this is a little series I'm enjoying making. And here's my longest one-shot yet! Wild

How long has he been like this?

 

That's a question that toils in the minds of many now, including Makoto himself. It's something even he can't answer, despite coming up with a million ideas. Maybe he just became so used to being around it, he became numb to it. Maybe it started with the killing game, the first of his. He was so overwhelmed by the need to avoid wallowing in their deaths that he- he just suppressed it altogether.

 

Maybe he was born like this.

 

A knock at the door lifts Naegi from his thoughts. "Come in." He says, making sure to be just loud enough to not hurt his dehydrated throat. There's a click, swiftly followed by a flood of light from the hall. It disappears quickly, the person entering making sure to quickly close it before he gets irritated. They walk over to his bedside, to where he can finally get a glimpse at who it is.

 

"Kyoko." He states her name without infliction, watching the woman from his cocoon of covers. She gazes down at the boy with an indifferent look before turning to place down something on his bedside table. "Ah, thanks." The food looks alluring, but he doesn't have quite the appetite to eat it yet. He just settles on having some water, sitting up a bit as to not spill the drink.

 

It takes a moment for him to notice Kyoko's not made any motion to leave. "Eh? What is it?" Naegi asks. He continues to sip from his drink, keeping a close eye on the girl's every move. It helps to focus on her, to distract him from his thoughts, even for a moment. The water's icy, filling his throat with numbing cold.

 

She brushes some of her hair back, sitting down a little ways down the bed from him. "How are you feeling?"

 

"I'm good, I think." He scratches his cheek, glancing to the girl with a worried stare. "I'm more worried about how you're doing tho-"

 

"I'm doing fine, Makoto. You know that." She cuts him off before he can manage to assult her with questions. "I'm here to check up on _you_. Not the other way around." Her unamused expression, when directed at Makoto, would usually result in him blushing a bit in embarrassment before caving and answering her correctly.

 

He gives her a sharp glare before looking down at the water in his hands. "I could be better. That's what the doctors and Gekkogahara-san say, at least." An annoyed sigh escapes the boy. "Today has been..." He trails off, leaving her to come up with the answer.

 

"... It's one of those days, isn't it?" That manages to get a chuckle out of him. Hollow, dripping with sarcasm. "Wow, who would've thought? It's been one of those _weeks,_ really." Kirigiri's still trying to get used to this new side of the man she feels like she's known all her life. The boy that's now snuggled back onto his side, leaving his food untouched. "All these past few days it's been hallucination after hallucination, along with my lack of energy trying to drag me down. I'm just letting myself crash now before it gets any worse, eheheh." He chuckles again bitterly, voice slightly muffled by placing his face down against the pillow.

 

Kyoko stays silent for a few moments, watching Naegi's depressive mannerisms.  _'Why didn't I notice sooner?'_ She can find herself spotting  so many of the signs now. His awkward and delayed reactions to certain things, the way he would go blank sometimes when asked a question, hell, the entire Final Killing Game! During that he just seemed so... _lifeless_ at times. When Naegi thought no one was looking, he'd start to space out with such an intensely blank stare, not even a spark of light in his eyes. If she had ever decided to watch him a bit more, confront him about it, maybe she could've stopped him before he tried to-

 

Before he nearly did it. Before he nearly succeeding with his attempt to drown in the Pacific Ocea-

 

"You wouldn't have helped me." Makoto's voice breaks through her guilty thoughts. He remains faced away from her, but continues to talk. "I don't quite get guilt, or sadness in general, really. But I do have a sense for those kinds of things, even if I can't feel them myself." He moves a bit, allowing Kirigiri to spot the uncertain smile on his face. "But no matter what you did, I don't think it could have really helped to avoid what I tried that day."

 

That sets her off a bit. "Maybe, but if I had found out about your disability sooner, then maybe you could've gotten some help for it-" " _It's not a disability._ " His low growl reduces her refutation to silence. "It's just..." He grips the bedsheet, a troubled look on his face. "It's just a part of me. It can be a hinderance sometimes, I guess. But it's something that I've accepted for the most part." He looks back down to his pillow, curling tighter into the covers. "You saved me that day. That's all that matters."

 

Awaiting more conversation and getting none, Kyoko chooses to take her chances. She shuffles around the ball of cloth on the right side of the bed, settling on her knees a few inches behind his head. Only his antennae-like piece of hair pokes out, the only thing signifying he was still breathing with its gentle bobbing rhythm.

 

She takes her attention away from the soft fluff to the tough leather covering her hands. The Ex-Detective has a lot of bad memories tied to what lies underneath, making it no easy feat to even try touching them except when she plans to sleep as well. Even now,her hands resist any movement. Any commands her mind sends through its network of nerves to get them to uncover themselves.

 

So she tries something else.

 

"Do you mind if I sleep with you for a bit?" There's a moment of delay, the stifling of breath as it catches in the throat, his thick cowlick of hair drooping a bit before it suddenly straightens into a spike. Apparently too out of energy to sit up, the surprised boy rolls over, looking up at her through his little hole carved into his nest of sorts. His mouth remains agape for a moment, swiftly snapped shut once noticed. "A-a-ah, uh-mmmmm, I-" He blubbers, stumbling to find any words as his face blooms into bright cherry crimson.

 

"A-ah, y-YEAH! THAT'D BE FINE!" His voice is raised into an unintentional yell,which makes him burrow even deeper into his cocoon. It reminds Kyoko of some form of innocence. An innocence that's still there, existing. Breathing in the boy that lost-or may never had-sadness encoded into his brain. Just one little flick of the wrong switch, just one little missed line of code. That's all it took to make a being that doesn't know how to react to death other than endless boiling anger that flows like it's been bottled for years when really the last outburst was only a solid three days ago or wallowing in a void for days on end.

 

Naegi Makoto is simultaneously a mistake and a miracle, something terrifying yet wonderful. An unfixable gift that she can't live without.

 

She chuckles, shoving off her shoes and socks, climbing under those covers that bind her very best friend. "Goodnight." The breathy whisper of that word is hushed but clear, unwilling to break the soft outer layer of peace now laid over them both. It takes not a few minutes too soon for the silence to completely take hold, stuffing the pair into that soft warm silence of the night.

 

She's tired, yes. But her original motive behind this ploy was far from forgotten. She turns, now facing the bundle's dulled olive cloth back. Her gloves slide off with ease now, sliding off her roughly ravaged fingers like a cat unfurling from its six hour nap. So smoothly does she discard them, placing them over on her own bedside table before shuffling the tiniest bit right. Her movements could be excused as ones caused from a restless sleep. From someone so tightly mixed with sleep-deprivation and an intense crave of touch that they would slide like a magnet to embrace their company.

 

Except she is none of those things. Most importantly being she is not asleep.

 

Her fingers brush against the tip of that hazelnut hair. It appears to make Naegi tense, releasing that tension with a shivery shake. It's a cautious moment before she tries again, managing to grasp that hair hook. It feels as soft as a bunny's fur and as rigid as a board,stubbornly resisting all attempts at initiating movement. It frustrate the lilac girl to no end, finally making her want to push against it-

 

Another shuddered breath snaps her from her line of thought, retracting her hand too look down upon the boy before her.  _'He's shaking.'_ Her thoughts supply every ounce of evidence before she can catch up, chalking every little idea up to one...

 

"Makoto." 

 

No answer.

 

_ " Makoto." _

 

He only shakes harder, a small whimper being hummed into the air.

 

_"Makoto-"_ "Shut up." She stops immediately. Makoto turns, and this time he doesn't look like the innocent boy she had seen however many minutes ago. Instead she sees a snake, curling, coiling, poised to strike out with its hidden fangs and sink into the delicate scarred skin before it. His face is wet with tears, but Kyoko has evidence it's not possibly from any sadness. "You..." His voice shakes, wavers, underlaid with a growl of hatred at something she didn't know.

 

"Why are you trying so hard?" Such a simple question. But no questions are simple anymore, are they? Not here, not now. "I'll just break your heart. I won't feel any sadness if you get hurt or leave me. I won't grieve your death." His voice remains flat, but something lurks underneath that growling hatred that she can't quite grasp. She can see where this is going now though. Naegi clenches the sheets once more, teeth pressed hard into a grimace. It doesn't fit Makoto to have such a frustrated look, to have such fiery anger slowly growing in his dull olive eyes. "Hell, I might even get you ki-"

 

She brings a hand to his lips, the rough, unusually warm feeling silencing him. Naegi's eyes are already adjusted to the darkness of the room, able to spot that same look she had from just a week or two ago. It's been hard for him to tell time anymore. "Makoto, please. It's my- _our_ choice to stay with you. It always has been." It seems to quell something within him, but it's becoming clear there's something else still taking up the majority of his anger. "You can vent to me if you want, you know." It's a simple offer. Honestly, she doubts he'll take it up by now.

 

It comes as a pleasant surprise when he cautiously unfurls himself from the safety of his four blankets, sliding into her open arms. The Ex-Luckster transfers his tight grip to her clothing, still dressed in her work clothes. He couldn't care less about that though. His attention is focused on the hot, hot stone that hardens his chest.

 

"I-I..." Makoto sucks in a breath, sinking his face into the crook of her neck and resisting the temptation to bite down. To try and fight out this destructive thing pounding against his ribs and ringing against his ears. "I don't... _can't_ f eel anything for them." Kyoko is mindful to keep shut any questions or prods for further explanation. He'll say when he's ready, she just needs patience. That's what he told her to do when comforting someone about something like this.

 

"I don't feel saddened by their d-deaths. I-I thought it was just me s-suppressing my emotions during th-the game, so I didn't pay it any mind. B-but, then the seco- god, I'm sorry, I just-" He pulls away a bit from her, his body shaking like a leaf in a storm. She watches him, confused until he begin to bite at the pillow on his side. He goes on for a few seconds, biting at the soft cloth before letting go with a dissatisfied growl. Kyoko silently reaches out, meaning to give some kind of comfort of touch before switching gears at what he tries to do next.

 

"Naegi!" The man suddenly bites down on his hand, the hazy glare in his eyes coming ablaze with life. She grips his wrist hard, pulling his face close to her own. He stubbornly sticks to his task, biting down harder on that thin bit of skin lacking any muscle to protect it. His eyes burn and crackle with sporadically shaking pupils, hard heaving breaths being taken in through his nose. He brings his other hand up, holding a little bit down from the wrist and pushing down with his fingernails.

 

In a fit of panic and adrenaline Kirigiri takes a more desperate means of stopping him. She places her own forgotten hand against Naegi's forehead. Before he can even realize what she's doing she's already forcibly pushed his head from his hand, keeping it there. They sit like that for a couple of tense seconds, Kyoko keeping a tight grip on his head and wrist while Makoto simply stares, a scowl and tense reddened eyes adorning his features.

 

And just as quick as it had come, everything crashes down. The flame in Naegi's eyes flickers out like a candle, giving way to a clearly shaken boy. He squeezes his eyes shut, then they snap open, reeling back from his friend's touch and sitting up onto his knees. Hands scramble up to his hair, fingers locking themselves in tangled hazelnut hair, pupils trembling and mouth slightly open with silent terror.

 

"M-Makoto..." Kyoko barely has time to stutter out his name before he suddenly tackles her into a hug. It exudes the same franticness as before however, head resting on her shoulder and hands grasping at empty air. They eventually find their way to her back, the nails digging in and eliciting a seethe of pain from their victim. Makoto's breath audibly chokes. Once, twice, thrice-

 

And he screams.

 

It's a bloodcurdling screech of a sound, one most would hear in response to a limb being cut off or slowly being chopped to bits. His nails begin a slow decent down Kyoko's clothing, holding enough pressure to make her freeze up and arch her back at the pain. It's done over and over as his screams tear themselves from his throat and pour into the open air. He seems to finally cave on his original idea, biting down hard against Kyoko's arm. She hums uncomfortably, but says nothing as he continues to try and mute his own voice.

 

The seconds turn to minutes, taking thirty time for Makoto to fall silent. His grip is still tight, but loose to where just a gentle movement from the other makes his hands fall limp against the bed. He remains stock still, like a deer standing in an open field and scanning for its predators.

 

She cautiously, oh so cautiously, places her hands over his. They're red when she places them on her lap to stare at them. She can only imagine how her back must look, if anyone glimpses it they might get the wrong implications. That worry is far from her current thoughts, however. For now her attention is completely brought to Makoto.

 

He holds the same blank stare from those times in their latest-and hopefully last- killing game. That same far off look, lost in his own world of thoughts. So she waits there, gently rubbing his hands in some hope to lull him from his breakdown.

 

It's three hours before someone decides to seek out Kyoko and Makoto. One more for them to be found. She simply looks up at their guest, a look of horror on her face. "Call a hospital. He's gone into a shutdown."

**Author's Note:**

> ;)


End file.
